Last week was one of those weeks. Not a bad day, but the entire week was rotten. We were all just “off”. Ever have one of those weeks?
By Wednesday, I was over it. I’m usually pretty good at keeping my cool. Well, goodish. (Yea, I know that’s not a real word) By the time my husband got home, I was on another level. Maybe it was exhaustion. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones. Whatever it was, I know he was not prepared for what he was coming home to.
I was finishing dinner and yelling about everything. Not one of my finer moments. Finally, I just went to the bathroom, slammed the door, locked it, and got in the shower in hopes of escaping for a few moments. I cried. I cried harder than I had cried in a long time. In the meantime, one of the girls camped out on the other side of the door, kicking and screaming for Mommy. I cried more.
I cried because I was exhausted. I cried because I was hormonal. I cried because I was desperate for some quiet time to myself. I cried because I had no idea what I was doing or how I could make the littles get along and stop biting and pulling each other’s hair. I cried because I felt like such a bad mom for losing my cool.
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
I love my children more than anything but seriously they can be such turds! Toddlers are turds. Plain and simple. And this season in life is tough. In a few weeks, I will be the mom to 3 girls, 3 and under. I’m sure I will have more of those days because this season is so dang hard.
One thing I’m learning is to give myself GRACE. And I’m not great at that. I’m doing the best I can to keep us all afloat during the days when I just want hide. I have days that I text my husband “when you get home, I’m running away.” Of course I’m not totally serious. I mean, I’d come back before bedtime. I’m not perfect. Heck, no mom is. We are all just doing the best we can. My only hope is that my Mommy meltdowns don’t traumatize them too much. And if it does, I guess that’s what therapy is for, right?!
“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.” Ricki Lake